all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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