Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
