why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
