This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
