my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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