i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
