I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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