I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
