im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
