I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
