can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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