i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
