I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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