you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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