i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
