He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
