.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
