turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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