Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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