I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
