I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My pussy is not your playground.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
