i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
