Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
