i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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