we have pet lesbian snakes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
