dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I booty called her while she was in labor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
