my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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