I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
