my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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