You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
