Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
