dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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