No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want to make out with him forever
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
