you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
