The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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