there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
