K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
