Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
operation harelip BJ is a go
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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