I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
