Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's blow job season.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
