you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
