Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
actually, I'm a sock model
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
