I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
