oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
