hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
