Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
