see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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