Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
