we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
