She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
