I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
