is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
